angela
June 2007 
My Favorite Zaadzster
Posted on Jun 25th, 2007
by 
mrobert
mrobert
It started in January with a note:
'kay, I think zaadz is way cool, but social networking only works if you network, right…how the hell else are we gonna save the world? ;-)
So I'm looking for folks who share my interests and who've actually logged into zaadz sometime more recently than six months ago.
Anyway, my name is Barbara and I'm pleased to meet you.
I couldn't ignore that one, even though I promised to - she didn't follow my "friending rules" by tying our interests together three ways in her friend request.
It's amazing how much your life can change when you don't follow the rules.
We sent messages on Zaadz, then MySpace, then email. Our first phone conversation covered a discussion thread on the Appropriate Transportation Pod. Soon we were talking on the phone regularly, and often that conversation focused on the 2,198 miles between us - her in Oregon, me in Wisconsin.
So I flew to Oregon.
You know how awesome a homecoming can be, and sometimes the longer the separation, the more rewarding the reuniting. Our separation stretched out for a very, very long time. Since we'd never in this lifetime met before, you might even say it'd gone on forever. I'll spare most of the details, but when we stood in line at the airport for my return flight, we bound our hands wordlessly.
The next three-plus weeks were filled with emails and phone calls, and I think it was about that time we stopped hanging up, choosing instead to fall asleep together on the phone. Then she flew to Wisconsin.
I should mention that her thoughtful and very geeky spreadsheet considering the relative merits of living in western Oregon verses eastern Wisconsin had been abandoned by then. Her children could move with her; mine could not. She was visiting Wisconsin first to complete our need for connection in the present, and second to make that connection real and permanent.
Our third - and final - separation was two weeks and two days. In and around her visit to Wisconsin, we'd carried on a thoughtful, intellectual email conversation about marriage, what we do or don't believe, the role of the state, etc. I owed her a long email expounding on aspects I'd only touched on. When I sent it, one week before flying back to Oregon, it went like this:
I've been thinking about this email, and how to concisely communicate my thoughts.
This is what I settled on.
Would you like to get married next Friday?
Her response was even more concise, and so we did.
She tells the story almost poetically, which is hardly surprising, as she's a poet. Maybe someday she'll write a poem about it specifically. Maybe she already is. My version goes like this.
She'd had a couple nightmares in which we went to the courthouse for a marriage license and they'd refused to issue us one. The night before I flew out, I couldn't find my divorce decree, and though I shouldn't have even needed it - Oregon asks only for the date of dissolution - I was a bit freaked by that, until I found it. I think neither of us were completely able to believe everything would come together flawlessly; we were operating outside of the culturally-accepted norms. We didn't have a party planned. My children were in Wisconsin, and her's chose not to attend, wanting instead to wait for our next celebration, the commitment ceremony that makes us all into a family, with her children and mine participating. We didn't have witnesses lined up, but we did have an officiant more-or-less on call. Applying for the license and receiving it took about ten minutes. We were barely out of the courthouse before she called her friend Angela, our officiant, who said "So, I suppose you'd like to get married now, huh?"
I like coffee shops. I like coffee, too. Barbara doesn't drink the stuff, and sometimes even has an allergic reaction to coffee shops. But she found one she likes in Eugene called The Wandering Goat. For some reason when she first told me of this place, I absent-mindedly forgot the name, so for evermore this coffee shop will be The Wounded Pig in my memory...
Angela got on her bike to meet us there. We selected two witnesses at random, beautiful people named Shaney and Heather. Shaney was not only wearing a cool straw hat, but is also ordained and could have married us. Heather wrote the book Food Not Lawns and agreed to witness our marriage as long as we were comfortable with the fact that she is fundamentally opposed to our system of marriage in this country. Our response was simple - we are too, and that makes her a perfect witness. (Actually, she told us half-way through, this was the second time she'd been randomly selected to serve as an official witness for a wedding at Wounded Pig.) We had a vegan cupcake for a wedding cake, I wore a sock garter out of Shaney's pocket, another patron volunteered to take wedding pictures, and the businessman behind us presented highlighters as wedding gifts. We were married.
I'm on record saying I'd never again invite the church or the state into one of my relationships, and yet I got legally married with two ministers participating in the ceremony. Hmmph. Since then I've been asked about this discordance, and I can only say I found someone is doesn't believe in marriage any more than I do.
Together, we define marriage to suit our beliefs.
'kay, I think zaadz is way cool, but social networking only works if you network, right…how the hell else are we gonna save the world? ;-)
So I'm looking for folks who share my interests and who've actually logged into zaadz sometime more recently than six months ago.
Anyway, my name is Barbara and I'm pleased to meet you.
I couldn't ignore that one, even though I promised to - she didn't follow my "friending rules" by tying our interests together three ways in her friend request.
It's amazing how much your life can change when you don't follow the rules.
We sent messages on Zaadz, then MySpace, then email. Our first phone conversation covered a discussion thread on the Appropriate Transportation Pod. Soon we were talking on the phone regularly, and often that conversation focused on the 2,198 miles between us - her in Oregon, me in Wisconsin.
So I flew to Oregon.
You know how awesome a homecoming can be, and sometimes the longer the separation, the more rewarding the reuniting. Our separation stretched out for a very, very long time. Since we'd never in this lifetime met before, you might even say it'd gone on forever. I'll spare most of the details, but when we stood in line at the airport for my return flight, we bound our hands wordlessly.
The next three-plus weeks were filled with emails and phone calls, and I think it was about that time we stopped hanging up, choosing instead to fall asleep together on the phone. Then she flew to Wisconsin.
I should mention that her thoughtful and very geeky spreadsheet considering the relative merits of living in western Oregon verses eastern Wisconsin had been abandoned by then. Her children could move with her; mine could not. She was visiting Wisconsin first to complete our need for connection in the present, and second to make that connection real and permanent.
Our third - and final - separation was two weeks and two days. In and around her visit to Wisconsin, we'd carried on a thoughtful, intellectual email conversation about marriage, what we do or don't believe, the role of the state, etc. I owed her a long email expounding on aspects I'd only touched on. When I sent it, one week before flying back to Oregon, it went like this:
I've been thinking about this email, and how to concisely communicate my thoughts.
This is what I settled on.
Would you like to get married next Friday?
Her response was even more concise, and so we did.
She tells the story almost poetically, which is hardly surprising, as she's a poet. Maybe someday she'll write a poem about it specifically. Maybe she already is. My version goes like this.
She'd had a couple nightmares in which we went to the courthouse for a marriage license and they'd refused to issue us one. The night before I flew out, I couldn't find my divorce decree, and though I shouldn't have even needed it - Oregon asks only for the date of dissolution - I was a bit freaked by that, until I found it. I think neither of us were completely able to believe everything would come together flawlessly; we were operating outside of the culturally-accepted norms. We didn't have a party planned. My children were in Wisconsin, and her's chose not to attend, wanting instead to wait for our next celebration, the commitment ceremony that makes us all into a family, with her children and mine participating. We didn't have witnesses lined up, but we did have an officiant more-or-less on call. Applying for the license and receiving it took about ten minutes. We were barely out of the courthouse before she called her friend Angela, our officiant, who said "So, I suppose you'd like to get married now, huh?"
I like coffee shops. I like coffee, too. Barbara doesn't drink the stuff, and sometimes even has an allergic reaction to coffee shops. But she found one she likes in Eugene called The Wandering Goat. For some reason when she first told me of this place, I absent-mindedly forgot the name, so for evermore this coffee shop will be The Wounded Pig in my memory...
Angela got on her bike to meet us there. We selected two witnesses at random, beautiful people named Shaney and Heather. Shaney was not only wearing a cool straw hat, but is also ordained and could have married us. Heather wrote the book Food Not Lawns and agreed to witness our marriage as long as we were comfortable with the fact that she is fundamentally opposed to our system of marriage in this country. Our response was simple - we are too, and that makes her a perfect witness. (Actually, she told us half-way through, this was the second time she'd been randomly selected to serve as an official witness for a wedding at Wounded Pig.) We had a vegan cupcake for a wedding cake, I wore a sock garter out of Shaney's pocket, another patron volunteered to take wedding pictures, and the businessman behind us presented highlighters as wedding gifts. We were married.
I'm on record saying I'd never again invite the church or the state into one of my relationships, and yet I got legally married with two ministers participating in the ceremony. Hmmph. Since then I've been asked about this discordance, and I can only say I found someone is doesn't believe in marriage any more than I do.
Together, we define marriage to suit our beliefs.
Access: Public
Aww, that is really a very romantic and sweet story! Any wedding story makes me all sappy though! Congratulations you guys. I hope you cherish those highlighters for a long time!
I think Brian would have loved for us to get married in a coffee shop! Was the coffee good though? MMMM, I love coffee!
Where are you guys registered, Staples? ;-)
Stay happy Rob.
Absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!
Much love to you both!
Now where is my zaadzy-mate???????
prismaticsoul@yahoo.com
PJ
HUGE CONGRATS!!! :)
Congratulations, Robert, and Barbara, too… and the next time I'm in Eugene I'll make sure to stop for a cup at your chapel. :)
Congratulations! What a small, small world! I was just passing through Eugene, when I stopped in for a cup of road house Java at the Wondering Goat, and now you tell me that YOU were the couple getting married while I slurped the Joe? How weird is that!
Congrat's to you both, may you love and live well in this life and onto the next…in full-ness and peace.
I too married someone who dosen't believe in marriage either…12 happy years later…we still don't. Keep the faith. :)
; )
jaB
Congratulations!
May your days be filled with sweetness, love and beauty!
Blessings and much happiness. Yay for love!
this was a fun read. enjoy your stay together.
What a unique and beautiful story of love! Congratulations to you both! :-)
Bewick, you were there?? I checked your photos and you look somewhat familiar… where were you sitting? What great synchronicity!
Congrats, you guys! =]
That story with Bewick is difinitely a tale of synchronicity! Certainly weird!
stop it you guys…..this story almost makes a romantic out of me. best wishes to the lovely bride and congrats you lucky you to the happy groom!
How wonderful and inspiring! All the best to the two of you. I want to know when Barbara writes a full version of this story- I'd purchase the book!
thanks for sharing this with us, I'm glad you found each other - I feel happy as I read about knowing the rightness, may your life together be blessed with lots more wonderful synchronicities
dad! i'd like some recognition here!
Mr. Rob & Miss Barbara! Oooops! You were married at the WANDERING GOAT! I was at the WONDERING GOAT! over in Umpqua! Anyway, the CONGRATULATIONS are for real! I've been married for 25 years (when she was 15 years old she told her mother that she was going to marry me, and by-gawd, she did!), and it's better every year. Sorry for pulling your leg. I couldn't help myself! I must have some distant Elf blood somewhere along the line. Again, I wish y'all the best.
-bc-
wishing you a life together full of peace and joy!
I wish to formally recognize my highly intelligent (as ~Matthew refers to her) daughter Princess Annetta! As she points out, we haven't had our real wedding yet. We'll do that this summer as a family, with her and her brother, and Barbara's two lovely children, in a ceremony committing us all to one another as a family. That is truly the ceremony and celebration that counts, so much more than the mere recognition the state provides.
cool story! it's so nice when we can do and be as our hearts tell us to and not the world.
May you both be blessed with common goals and firm determination!
big smile! :)
i'm not a good writer, don't know how to describe my feelings in words after reading this story. please accept my heartfelt congrats, i feel a smile in my heart. may your loving energy maintain and grow to eternity.
xoxoxo!
Very cool. Be well and happy.
Congratulations! Such a wonderful story! I wish you all the best in your new family life.
Beautiful!! What a wonderful story to read first thing in the morning! Thank you!
I love the fact that you're all going to be one big family and celebrate together later this year. Huge congratulations and eternal happiness to you all!
wow! congratulations! and thanks for sharing this very romantic story :)
~C
CONGRATULATIONS!
Thanks so much for letting me fall in love right along with You!
Lay aside the rules.
Heart's don't need them anyway.
Let Love make us fools.
Congratulations, and thanks for being the way-showers that even here on zaadz, where all the altruists and change agents lurk, there is the opportunity for love, relationship and commitment. It seems a whole lot more authentic here than it would on eHarmony!
Congrats again.
PB&JBarry.
Blessings of Love, Healh, Wealth & Happiness!
Peace On…
Ladybear
Congratulations! I'm a songwriter, and I would like to write a song about your sweet story! Hope y'all have a wonderfull life together! :)
May the love between you two grow each year, beyond all rules!!
Peace and blessings and much love.
your love has just reached the other side of the world - and i'm sending it forward now with a kiss so that when this reaches you, it brings with it a world of sparkling energy – one great big hug to wrap around our planet. my wedding gift to you for sharing your story and for recognizing that love is never a risk – always a choice. xxxxxxxx
ps - I rejected the institution of marriage after my divorce at the ripe old age of 27 and now, like you, I realize that commitment comes in whatever shape we create together.
Wow, what a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it. Congratulations! And hooray for geeky spreadsheets! I wish you both a lifetime of love and joy.
“Marriage” is a spiritual union, and as such the “ceremony” need only be sacred or special to the two hearts involved. I have performed weddings outdoors at the shoreline of the Indian Ocean in Indonesia, near a volcano in New Zealand, within the Honolulu Bay in Hawaii and in the midst of the Cajun Festival in Virginia, all because the couples felt drawn to be in those places. Their commitment to each other created an aura of love that permeated the air. I congratulate you, Rob and Barbara, not only for having the courage to do this your own way but for choosing a cafe to do it in. Good things happen over and around a cup of coffee. My next sip will be a toast to the two of you.
May you forever worship the Divine within each other.
Peace,
Julie